She Was Fearless

When I shared the news of my grandmother's passing yesterday, many of you responded with kindness and thoughtfulness, for which I am truly grateful. 

Grandma Sarah was bold, courageous, and kind, seemingly unafraid of anything. This made me a little uneasy as a kid because I was so afraid of everything. She did not play. If she had a problem with you, she made sure you were aware of it and never pretended otherwise. If you disrespected her or her family, she ensured you never did it again. 

She was fearless. 

I looked at her in awe—her courage seemed so foreign to me, even though her daughter, my mother, is the same way. As a kid, I found her directness scary and uncomfortable, but as I've grown older and become more comfortable with the woman I am becoming, all I can do is admire her and hope to be more like her as I gain more wisdom and experience.

She was also extremely loving and caring. 

Grandma cooked for everyone—and I mean everyone. I can say that she's probably fed almost every Sierra Leonean in New Jersey, especially those in South Jersey and maybe even Philly. At her funeral, I witnessed her kindness even more profoundly when almost everyone who attended spoke of how she had saved them financially, paid for countless school fees, covered doctor visits, and supported christenings, baby showers, and baby clothes, among many other things. 

I saw how her children spoke of their individual relationships with her and how special each one was. I listened to grandchildren in Sierra Leone, who tried to be brave and hold back tears, speak of her and how much she meant to them. I connected with their suffering as I tried and failed to keep it together. 

I miss Gradnma Sarah dearly, and seeing her lay in her coffin broke my heart into pieces. I felt foreign emotions since this was my first real connection to death. During the civil war, I saw a lot of deaths—babies, the elderly, the young, etc.—but those deaths were outside of me. Although I felt extreme empathy for those lives, I was distant from the grief. My grandmother's passing was internal and personal, so I am still processing these emotions. I have so much I want to say, and maybe writing can help me process the grief that often washes over me at the most unexpected times. 

I am privileged to have felt her love while she was alive. I am grateful that she was my grandmother. 

I am grateful to carry (part of) her name with me. I know she would have been so proud of me—I know it.

Embracing the Journey: A Mindful Transition into 2024

As the year draws to a close and I prepare for a journey that holds profound significance, I find myself in a contemplative state. The lessons of 2023 have been instrumental, teaching me the value of releasing fear, relinquishing the need for control, and the beauty of embracing uncertainty.

My vision for 2024 is not just about growth but a reinvention of how I perceive, think, and communicate. I am committed to diving deeper within, meditating on taking intentional risks, and cultivating fearlessness. This journey is less about tangible achievements and more about inner evolution and self-discovery.

In the coming year, I intend to explore new modes of communication, transcending the conventional quest for answers. Naturally inclined towards the familiar, I want to embrace the unknown, guided by the wisdom of Taoist philosophy. Each day is an opportunity to welcome uncertainty, not with apprehension, but with open arms and a peaceful heart.

As someone who embraces hard work, my focus for the next year shifts from relentless efficiency to mindful presence. I want to appreciate the unexpected detours, embracing them as opportunities to pause and observe. It's a reminder that the journey's enjoyment is as significant as the destination itself.

In 2024, I am open to surprises and ready to follow new paths that life presents. Revisiting and revising my approaches might reveal better solutions than the original. This year is about transcending linear thinking and embracing inner work, creativity, meditation, and reflection.

Before I speak, I intend to connect deeply with my inner wisdom, ensuring that my words resonate with my core values and have the desired impact. This year is about connecting more profoundly with my experiences, speaking from a place of authenticity and insight.

As I step into 2024, I do so with a heart open to endless possibilities. I am ready to embrace the unknown, let go of the conventional, and embark on a journey of mindful exploration and personal growth. It's a year to be lived intentionally, embracing every moment as an opportunity to learn, grow, and transform.